Room 304

I don't think people realize that Sindel is me and also not me.

She's a character I've curated over the years into the perfect club personality. I based my walk, talk, and mannerisms on Dita Von Teese and Nancy Gribble from King of the Hill. My sales background from my time at LUSH gave me a really strong foundation, and over the years I've only gotten better at it.

The better I got at being Sindel, the more people wanted her.

Everyone who wants my time wants that version of me.

The difficult part is that performing hyperfemininity is exhausting.

On my days off I want the exact opposite. I don't put on makeup, I don't dress up, and sometimes I don't even shower. I become a recluse until my next shift starts because I need time where I'm not performing, not being lusted over, not expected to share my body, and not expected to be social.

Even though I've explained this before, I don't think my partner or my friends fully understand it. Spending time with people I love can still be exhausting on my days off because it's still time and energy that I don't get back before work.

If I work several shifts and then make time to see my partner more than once that week, I usually don't end up getting the reset I need before my next shift. Then I don't feel ready to work, and if I don't feel ready to work, I usually don't go.

I need one or two days every week where no one expects anything from me. No makeup. No hyperfemininity. No one lusting over me. No one expecting access to my body. No one expecting me to be social.

Even my sugar daddy days are exhausting. In some ways they're more exhausting than the club because I'm maintaining the performance for so much longer. The emotional labor is constant, and by the time I get home I don't want to be "on" for anyone.

I don't think people realize that the hardest part of this job isn't dancing.

It's performing a version of yourself so well that eventually everyone expects her to show up, even when she's off the clock.